Finally, a job after 5 months

After 5 months of Slacking and basically wasting my life away feeling sorry
for myself, I’ve finally gone and got myself a job. Yet, I’m finding it a
little difficult to be happy. What’s the reason? I’m starting to feel some
negative energy flowing through me again–thoughts like ‘I can’t do it,’
‘You’re not good enough,’ and a lot of other ‘what ifs’.

I should be happy that I’m finally working in a company that I’ve always want
to–a position of Visual Effects compositor, leading a team. I should be
happy, but there’s this nagging thought that I might not be capable enough.

I can DO IT!

That’s what I’ve been trying to tell myself. It’s 4 in the morning, I’m
feeling fearful of my third Boss, who I’ve heard has a short fuse. Even though
I know him well enough, I think I have to remain calm and tell myself that
it’s nothing that I can’t handle.

“I’m good enough for the job, I am calm like the sea, I’m in control of my
feelings and I’m polite and choose not to flare up at anyone”

New job, new life

Never something easy when you’re starting a new job. You never know whether you’re going to be happy, whether you’re going to have trouble with your new colleagues, if your new Boss is going to hate your guts. It’s been 4-5 years since I last worked for an employer, today is the very first day.

How was it? Not too shabby, however, I find myself jealous of the attention an ex-colleague was getting–Pitiful–I know. It’s 3 in the morning and I’m tossing and turning, bothered by the fact that I’m never going to be anything good. Then it hits me: I care too much about what others think about me.

Sure, we should all have a healthy interest in what people say about us, take it with a pinch of salt and it makes living a lot easier. That’s not mentioning that my ex-colleague is someone who always like to pour ice-cold water down your back when ever you’ve achieved something of importance–truly self-centered.

It took me 6 years to realise that. It might not be too late, but I should take control of my head and emotions and just do my best in my new job–end of story.

Finding a new job

Finding a new job is never easy for me. It’s a little tough when
you’ve been without one for the longest time. I’ve received about a
hundred phone calls from concerned friends, asking where the hell I’ve
been. It seems that everyone is more concerned about me than I am for
myself. Is it so tough for myself to care for me?

I can’t get the difficulty in finding a job. It should be easy, since
I should be able to pull in a few favours.

Anyway, this is posted from weblogger. I gotta keep moving.

Simple life in text-mode

29 years old. 8 months ago, I was lamenting to everyone that I don’t have a carreer, house, car and financial stability. 3 months ago, I folded the business that I had started 4 years back. My partners and I split ways and I haven’t been returning calls from friends, associates, clients. It’s been 3 months now–I have to get my life back in shape. The difference is that I’m no longer chasing after boatloads of cash and a life of glamour.

That’s just not me. I’m going the opposite… life in text-mode. Just like how computers were first invented, simplicity in text and cutting the clutter out from my life.

This post serves only as a shout out to the world. I haven’t thought about where I’m bringing this journal to. One thing for sure–I’m going to stop feeling sorry for myself and–be contented with life.

Turning 30 in a year’s time. It’s scary when you don’t know where your life is headed. First thing–I have to fix my life up.